The Best Way To Love Our Child

Hi Friends! If you are not a parent or grandparent, you might not read this post. I understand. But would you consider sharing it with your mom-friends, who could use some encouragement as a mom? Thank you!! . . . .And if you are a mom, this post is from Episode 1 of my Parenting Podcast. I hope you’ll give it a listen! {Simple Steps ~ Learning to Rely On God As We Raise Our Kids}

When Terrell and I were raising our 3 kids, there were times when a child’s attitude caught our attention, and we would look at each other, smile, and say “His tank sure is full.” Maybe he seemed especially cheerful or he invited his brother or sister to play instead of excluding them. His attitude was noticeable. His words or behavior revealed what we couldn’t see—a heart that felt full with love—a full tank. But then there were those hard days, too, when a child complained a lot or was argumentative about almost everything, but we weren’t sure why.

We can’t see how our child deals with his experiences internally, even if he’s with us all day. When he’s not with us, we have no idea how he records the events of his day. We don’t know if his attitude pertains to today, something that occurred two weeks ago, or a mixture of experiences. And that’s okay. Take a breath. God sees, and he knows all the details. He wants to guide and provide all that we need to help our child know he is deeply loved.

How our child feels about himself affects his behavior, decisions, and friend choices. As parents, we have the opportunity to significantly impact his sense of security, worth, and being loved.  All of us are built up or torn down by each other’s words and actions–or lack of. We need the power and completeness of God’s love most—whether we’re toddlers, tweens, teens, or adults.

At times our love will be tender, strong, and even willingly sacrificial. But our ability to give love all the time and all the ways our child needs it will fall short. We are incapable of nonstop, unconditional love. Only God can fill our child’s heart tank all day long.

In this broken world of broken people, most of us have experiences that color our understanding of being loved. Our experiences can influence how we love someone else, including our child. God knows your story—and he gave your child to you—to be his primary vessel and example of love, to help establish their heart in the security of knowing they are deeply loved.  He has confidence in you, that as you depend on him for love and for how to love your child, you will reflect his love beautifully. Draw close to God and be amazed by how he works in you and loves your child through you.

God is the source of a limitless reservoir of unconditional love. He steadfastly loves you and hopes you’ll depend on his love through relationship with him. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4.7-8)

So how do we do this?

God gives an action step through the apostle Paul in Colossians 3:14: “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”   He urges us to be covered (clothed) with him. Most days, I say this prayer for Terrell, our kids, and myself: God, fill us with your love.

Each of us has our own life lessons to help us learn that only God’s love can fill our need for love and value— not who we’re friends with, the stuff we own, our abilities, or our physical appearance. But themes like these have challenged us over the years and will likely challenge our child.

Teach your child about God’s love and practice reflecting this. Share about your relationship with Jesus and how you depend on his love. Talk with your child about having thier own personal relationship with Jesus and help them learn ways to walk in it.

As we raised our kids, I wanted them to know how deeply I love them, yet I knew I couldn’t love them even near-perfectly.  I wanted them to be awed by how tremendous God’s love is for them. One day during those lovely middle school years, after countless mess-ups on my part, I decided to have a short sit-down with each child about my ability, their dad’s ability, and their friends’ ability to love them. I admitted that I know I’ll continue to mess up and not love them well all the time. I gave them examples of when I messed up—like yelling, being critical, or not really forgiving them. And I assured them that God never feels that way about them, that he always loves them and me—even when we mess up.

In each conversation, their facial expression held raised eyebrows when I brought up my old mistakes and then admitted how much I depend on and trust God’s love to help me be a better mom. I said something like, “I think you know I love you, even though my actions might confuse you sometimes. But God’s love for you is impossible for me to put into words; it’s so amazing. And that’s why I go to him all the time, so he helps me love you better —with his love.”

Our effort to love and teach a child about God’s love honors God. He doesn’t expect perfection; rather, he delights when our heart is willing to follow his lead and trust him. In Lamentations 3:22-23, it says: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Isn’t this wonderful to know?!

GOD’S LOVE IS A FRESH, NEW GIFT EVERY MORNING. HE WANTS US TO COME CLOSE EVERY DAY. HE NEVER STEPS AWAY FROM US; HE REMAINS—AND HOPES WE STEP CLOSER. GOD’S LOVE CLEANSES AND HEALS, REFRESHES AND FILLS OUR HEART-TANKS. IMPACTED BY HIS LOVE, WE LIVE LOVED, AND OUR CHILDREN RECEIVE THIS.

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Thank you (in advance) for sharing my podcast with some moms who could use some encouragement about now!