Building Bridges with Siblings

Siblings . . .  What comes to mind?  Best friend, arch-rival, giggles, tears, supportive, teasing, inseparable, irritating… It really depends on who you ask!  When my 3 brothers and I were growing up, we  did  practically everything together.  I have lots of fond memories of just hanging out together — even being bored, together.  At the same time, because we were together alot, we could really get on each other’s nerves, which often led to name-calling and fighting, which then led to lots of “talks” with Mom and consequences.

Siblings are who God has given our children to live with. Our kids don’t choose each other.  Our family make-up is under God’s sovereign hand.  The  combination possibilities are endless: all boys, all girls, brothers and sisters . . .  one year apart, 4 years apart, 10 years apart . . . twins, triplets . . . 1 sibling, 4 siblings . . .  adoption, step-sisters, step-brothers.

Their shared time under the family roof is our primary opportunity to help them cultivate significant relationships with each other.  How they learn to relate with one another influences how they will engage in relationships beyond the family.

We need to be bridge builders for these relationships.  We can provide opportunities for  them get to know each other through spending time together.  We help them understand one other through describing personality traits and pointing out ways that they can get along or work through something.  We can pray for them and with them when they hurt each other or get hurt.  We can disciple them about forgiveness and pray that the Lord grows them to genuinely love each other.

“Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Ps.126.1)  When I read this today, I noticed the builder and the watchman have a tangible responsibility, BUT unless they look to the LORD to lead them, then their labor will be in vain.

The same is true for us.  We can come up with our own way or invite the LORD to lead us.

Loving, strong, healthy sibling relationships are very possible!  But they have to be cultivated.  “You do not have because you do not ask.” (James 4.2)  We don’t have to dream up strategy; God wants to supply this.  As we participate with Him, He grows the relationships.  He molds their hearts – which includes changing them, healing them, and filling them.  Do we believe this?  Do we pray to Him like we are depending on him to do this?

Over the years of being a bridge builder among our kids, I’ve moved in and out of sitting in the driver’s seat as I’d realize yet again that I needed to humbly surrender it to the LORD.  I’ve learned that I grab the steering wheel when I let their relational circumstances speak to me, rather than listening for my LORD.  Thankfully, each time I “start anew” in my life’s journey as a parent, I take comfort in God’s Word, “…hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.” (Ps. 130.7)